I'm Sorry, That's Not Accountability
Saying the words "I'm sorry" does not create accountability. It's the way most of us avoid it. It's a nice gesture — assuming it's sincere — but it is at best the expression of an intention. In reality, it's a throwaway line. We say it to break the tension, to get rid of the icky feeling that we made things harder for another person.
The problem is that the icky feeling is the doorway to personal growth. We don't get to grow and look good at the same time.
If you want to up your accountability game, don't use the moment to minimize the tension, use it to deepen it.
Think of accountability like a credit card. Imagine that each person in your life has offered you a certain amount of available credit. And that credit goes up or down based on your "transaction history" with them.
Each time you do something that makes life harder for them you use up a bit of that credit. You took something from that person that they don't have an infinite supply of. Perhaps it was a bit of their time, a bit of their creative energy, or a bit of the political capital they've worked hard to earn.
If you're a people leader interested in creating a culture where people hold themselves accountable — you need to help them learn how to clear their debts. You need to start with your own.
Here are three steps you can check on with yourself:
Did you follow-up? Go back to the person the day after. Let them know why it happened and what your plan is for when a similar situation arises in the future.
Did you inconvenience yourself? An accountable person knows that they created extra work for the other person. Find a way that you can make it better.
Did you put it in the "shame" bucket or the growth bucket? The purpose of being accountable isn't to feel shame or guilt. Making other people's lives harder doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a human.
Accountability, in the eyes of your teammates, is not measured by the words that you use but by the actions that you take.