Don't Have Deep Conversations With Your Employees
The purpose of a one-on-one is not to have a deep and meaningful conversation with your employee. It's to inspire them to have a deep and meaningful conversation with themselves.
You do that by keeping the conversation focused on performance, and letting your employee make the connection to personal themes. These days, many managers try to take on the role of therapist, life coach or cheerleader for the people on their team. It's well intentioned. But when managers hear top-down messages about being "people-first" it's easy to think that having personal conversations with employees is what you're supposed to be doing. That can lead to disastrous results.
It turns out that the fastest way to create a people-first culture is to have work-first one-on-ones. Because it's how people show up in their work — with their teammates, with customers, with their manager, and with themselves — that either brings the team together or tears the team apart.
What makes a great one-on-one is not the depth of the conversation but whether it helps employees make the connection — for themselves — between what's going on at work and what's going on in the rest of their life.
Here are three things to keep in mind:
Focus on the impact, not the issue. The contents of your employee's personal life are off limits. But the impact that whatever is going on at home is having on their work absolutely is.
If you notice yourself working hard, stop. If you find yourself walking on eggshells, use that as a cue to pause and name the dynamic you're observing.
Don't reinvent the wheel every week. Focus on one theme and have that be an ongoing conversation over time.
To be a great manager you don't have to be a therapist. All you have to do is care enough about the person in front of you to talk with them about what you see.